You made me cry and you don't even care
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
