Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
