i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
