We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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