A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
