3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
