Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize