Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
