i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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