so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
