she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Watching her eat just hurts me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
