your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
