I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
