sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
