Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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