it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
