You can't motorboat a personality
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
