I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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