they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
