So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
