Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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