I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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