There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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