Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fuck appropriateness.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
