She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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