Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
