Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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