you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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