she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
