I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize