Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk is not a location!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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