Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
