so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
