hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
