question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
