Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize