Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
