I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
