Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
