i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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