Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
