I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
