We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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