So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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