Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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