but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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