Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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