Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
