My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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