Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
