you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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