I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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