I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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