I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
