I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
