I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
