There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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