i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My cat gives me a boner
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
