dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
