we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize