You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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