I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
