So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize