clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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