I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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