I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
