Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
