no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
