is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
