I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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