all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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