She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
