1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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