I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
