I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
