...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
