I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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