I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
