I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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