Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
