i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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