I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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