bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
