she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize