I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
