That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
