my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
