If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
