Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
