my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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