Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
