Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
