11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
