Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
