The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
