For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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