Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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