if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The best revenge is premature balding
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
