So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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