that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
