Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
