I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
