I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
