Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
