i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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