took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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