My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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