omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize