Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
