he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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