Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize