Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
